fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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