if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
