In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize