I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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