I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
tell me about the eggs
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