I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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