i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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