He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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