the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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