It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
