Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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