So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
