i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
