Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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