She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
