Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
