Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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