So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
