i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
