His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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