so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There's always time for handjobs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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