dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
