she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
