I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
