I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
