Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
