everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
