He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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