i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
