All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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