Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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