time to smoke my breakfast
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Even my vagina gasped.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
