dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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