I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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