I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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