i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's always time for handjobs
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
false alarm, still single
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
