i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
