I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
