Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
whose parrot is this?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
