Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
