We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
