is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
