Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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