You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
