I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
