first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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