Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
