Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
