you didnt know i had herpes?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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