When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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