I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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