And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.