it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?