Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.

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(609): The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner. http://tfl.nu/zame

Replies (6) Good night (1816) Bad night (1160)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.

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(808): Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber. http://tfl.nu/bjtn

Replies (24) Good night (1029) Bad night (2451)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

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(617): You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head http://tfl.nu/n3kb

Replies (5) Good night (1175) Bad night (4112)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

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(781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning. (1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon. http://tfl.nu/wxu1

Replies (19) Good night (6167) Bad night (676)
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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.

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(512): Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on. http://tfl.nu/m8nk

Replies (11) Good night (1178) Bad night (3559)
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(618): View more from Illinois

remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back

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(618): remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back http://tfl.nu/7hrx

Replies (34) Good night (5504) Bad night (1041)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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(617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n

Replies (73) Good night (18925) Bad night (3870)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

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(978): she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head. http://tfl.nu/uhfs

Replies (7) Good night (4428) Bad night (1095)
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(208): View more from Idaho

why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

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(208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g

Replies (27) Good night (9014) Bad night (1428)
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(310): View more from California

It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.

(415): View more from California

That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.

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(310): It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter. (415): That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere. http://tfl.nu/8y5r

Replies (11) Good night (2000) Bad night (583)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.

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(803): Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time. http://tfl.nu/1oum

Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (423)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"

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(306): dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high" http://tfl.nu/ssrm

Replies (3) Good night (1090) Bad night (342)
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(573): View more from Missouri

BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST

(573): View more from Missouri

TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL

(573): View more from Missouri

AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT

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(573): BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST (573): TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL (573): AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT http://tfl.nu/zuh3

Replies (5) Good night (575) Bad night (307)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick

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(215): He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick http://tfl.nu/9d7z

Replies (1) Good night (358) Bad night (492)
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(440): View more from Ohio

You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?

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(440): You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off? http://tfl.nu/y1qy

Replies (1) Good night (172) Bad night (506)

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