she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.