If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A bitchslap is in order.