Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend