If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy