Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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