remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
