Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
