I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we're so committed to being not committed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
