just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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