A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
