Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
