Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He passed out mid-signature
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
