My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
