I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
