You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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