I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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