I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
