you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
