Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
