Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
