dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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