Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
