which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
