chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
